Should I Have a 3rd Child? | Here’s the Honest Truth

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Are you considering having a 3rd child. Or, perhaps you’re pregnant with your third baby?

Maybe you aren’t intending to have a 3rd, but you’re just curious to know what it is like.

Read –> 7 Truths of Life with 3 Kids

Well, whatever your reason, this post is here to bring you the honest truth about having 3 kids.

Should you do it? What is it really like? Is it crazy? Is it wonderful? Do I regret it?

Read on to find out.

Should I Have a Third Child?

No one is going to be able to give you a clear answer when it comes to deciding whether to have a third child because each situation is so very unique.

Honestly, I also believe that while you do need to be sensible, deciding whether or not to have a third baby isn’t something that you can just decide with your head.

No, this is a decision that is ultimately a heart decision.

So, while no one can give you a decisive answer, below I’ve shared my personal opinion on what things you might consider when it comes to being torn about having a third child.

Other People’s Opinions

I always knew that I wanted to have more than two children. However, 3 was never on my radar.

In fact, 4 or 5 were the numbers that I had in mind.

But then I had very difficult pregnancies, and as much as I love my children, I knew that it wasn’t worth it for our family to keep growing it.

Not only that, but I had a peace about stopping at 3 children. There’s no magic number of children to have, but each family seems to find what feels right.

We have one boy and two girls.

Like I said before, I have absolute peace about being done.

You can read more about my thoughts on that in this post –> How to Know When Your Family is Complete

What was the most difficult part about deciding if we were going to stop at 3 kids?

People’s opinions.

If you’re a parent then you will already know how easily people like to share their opinions on how you should raise your children. They often mean well, but we all know how challenging it can be.

When I shared that we were having a third and that it would likely be our last, I was met with lots of opinions.

However, one of the most common was that having 3 kids was the hardest.

If I was going to have 3 then I really should just go ahead and have four.

Find out what life with 4 is like in this post –> Life with Four

That sentiment was echoed quite a bit and so it made me nervous.

Well, flash forward several months and now here I am with 3 small children.

Jack is almost 4, Annie is 2, and Charlotte is 14 weeks.

So, from my experience thus far, would I recommend you have a 3rd child?

It isn’t a simple yes or no answer, which is why I’ve jotted down a few points worth taking note of.

It Depends on the Age Gap

Our children are all close in age. There are 18-months between Jack and Annie and 24-months (almost to the day) between Annie and Charlotte.

We’ve been in the baby/toddler stage for almost 4 years now.

Because of that, I believe that the transition from 2-3 wasn’t as difficult as it otherwise could have been.

Baby care was fresh on my mind and our home has a regular supply of things like nappies and wipes.

We had set sleep routines in place for our older two and so adding a third wasn’t that big of a deal.

Read –> What is the 18-Month Age Gap is Really Like?

I could see adding a 3rd child being a little more difficult if you had school-aged children.

Juggling the routines and activities of everyone in the family is no joke.

For us, we don’t venture out a ton. My ‘big kids’ love to play in our backyard and I’m a real homebody.

I don’t have to work the baby’s routine around many activities and that really simplifies things.

If you are well and truly out of the baby stage then having a third baby and dealing once again with sleepless nights and all the other challenges that come with having a new baby may be overwhelming.

I would just encourage you to remember that those things are temporary.

It Depends on Your Parenting Style

We are a routine-loving family. Read some more of my blog and you’ll find out what I mean.

I’m not a sergeant major by any means, but I like our home to be a place of order. Well, as much as it can be when you have 3 children under the age of 4.

All 3 of my babies have been sleeping through the night before 3-months of age.

We have nap/rest time from 1-3 pm for all 3 children.

Life is not regimented, but there is a consistent flow to each day.

Read –> How to Have a Balanced + Productive Routine as a SAHM

Personally, this has made having children close in age a lot easier. I don’t have to guess what each child will be doing at different times of the day.

I can plan appointments and outings ahead of time because I know when the baby and toddler will be napping.

Some parents thrive on more of an attachment parenting style, but I can tell you now that I wouldn’t have made it past two kids if that were the way I chose to parent.

Which leads me to the next point…

It Depends on You

We’re all built differently. We all have different thresholds for things such as sleep, stress, and noise.

Some women are able to have the most fantastic pregnancies and feel so feminine and healthy throughout.

That was not the case for me.

I had so many obstacles along the way including but not limited to SPD, Sciatic pain, anemia, postpartum depression, and pre-natal depression.

That played a huge part in our decision to call it quits once we had baby number three.

I wanted to be healthy and strong enough to be able to parent the children I already had.

If you have the mental and physical capacity to have another child, then don’t let anyone persuade you otherwise.

You know yourself and your family best.

Another thing that is worth talking about is what your priorities are.

I’m 27 and I have 3 children. Yes, I work from home but having a successful career has never been a major goal of mine.

You can read about my journey to become a work-at-home mom in this post –> 5 Simple Reasons Working from Home Saved my Motherhood

The work I do now is secondary to raising my children. They have and will always come first.

If pursuing a career is of utmost importance to you then having a 3rd child almost certainly will disrupt that.

Some might think that unfair, but I think we have the privilege of bringing a life into the world. Taking the time to do that isn’t a sacrifice.

It Depends on Your Support

This is a really important point that I must address.

We all know that raising a child takes a village, but what that village looks like is different for everyone.

I will be the first to say that I am surrounded by a barrage of love and support.

We have family members and friends that will drop everything if we need some help.

When I was pregnant with Charlotte, my parents took the older children for a little while because I could barely care for myself let alone my children.

My husband and I are a team. We work together.

Without him, I struggle.

He’s just such an amazing support and is a very hands-on parent.

That is the way it should be for everyone, but the truth is that it isn’t.

Having another child can be really difficult if you do not have enough support. It isn’t in and of itself a reason not to, but it is worth mentioning.

Is Having a 3rd Child a Good Ideas? What it is Really Like:

Everyone’s experience with having three children is going to be unique so what I share below is just my personal opinion on what I’ve found having three children to be like.

This is the truth. I’m not going to sugarcoat anything and you’re going to find out what life is really like with three kids.

The Same but Different

The best way that I can describe my experience is that it is the same but different.

Life has changed, but not all that much.

I feel like once you’ve got more than one child you’re used to the sleep routines, the craziness, and the joy that comes with it all.

Not any Harder

Personally, I have not found having 3 kids any more difficult than having 2.

I think that in part it is because I had such a difficult pregnancy. Having 3 kids and not being pregnant felt like a walk in the park in comparison.

Because we had a solid routine and order to things before Charlotte came along, she just fit right into our daily living.

It does help a lot that she has been a very easy-going baby right from the getgo.

For some tips on the 2-3 transition read this post –> Two to Three Child Transition

Life is Busier 

The main difference that I can think of is that life is busier.

Our days don’t look all that different to what they were before, but the hours go by faster and there is more to do.

Naturally, having to feed the baby every 3 hours or so takes up a lot of that time.

It doesn’t mean that I don’t get a break or time to myself, but I have definitely had to be more intentional about scheduling that in.

Read –> How to Make Time for a Shower: 5 Self-Care Tips for Moms

Life is Fuller

I feel even richer since the birth of our third child.

Abundantly blessed.

Yes, the days are crazy and the endless tasks I carry out are often thankless.

But, it is worth it.

I’m doing one of the most worthwhile jobs in the entire world.

So what is having 3 kids really like? Is it crazy? Is it wonderful? Do I regret it?

Yes, yes, and no.

Some days it feels like I’m living in a petting zoo. There’s food everywhere and almost every surface is sticky to touch.

I change 3 nappies in a row and have spit up on my shoulder.

It isn’t easy. It isn’t always fun. And gosh, in all honesty, why we choose to do it doesn’t always makes sense.

But, it is wonderful and full, and rich. Life is better because my three babies are in it.

If you have that longing in your heart for a third child, then go for it. 

Charlotte has brought even more joy into our home and made us a stronger family as a result.

Two Years Later…

I’m sitting here updating this post two years after it was written and I thought it only wise to add an updated opinion for you.

My children are now 6, 4, and 2 years old and life looks quite different from 2 years ago.

As children age your routines change as well as your circumstances. I’m now homeschooling and that has changed our days significantly.

Life is just as busy and as full but do I regret having a third? Not even one little bit. Despite the fact that I’m still exhausted at the end of the day, it is the best kind of exhaustion.

And I don’t just mean that I couldn’t imagine life without my third baby. I mean that if I had to make the decision about whether or not to have a third baby again, I would say yes without hesitation.

My days aren’t filled with baby sleep schedules, diaper changes, lack of sleep, and feedings anymore.

They’re still busy and challenging but other things are easier. My three kids all play together now and will literally spend hours outside lost in some game of imagination.

I love watching each of their sibling relationships grow and change and I love seeing them all develop a close relationship with each other.

Having a bigger family is hard, but hard is not the same thing as bad.

We rob ourselves of so much when we constantly choose the easy path.

Having a third child was the right decision for our family and it may just be the right one for your family too.

4 Years Later

I think that it’s so helpful to report back on this as time goes on. We’re another 2 years into having three kids and I wanted to share my thoughts now.

Our youngest child is a huge blessing to our family. I couldn’t imagine not having her. She’s a little girl that helps to balance her older siblings out. She tends to be the one that diffuses situations and brings calm.

Recently, one of my kids was away with their grandparents, and the whole balance was tipped in our home. Our kids may fight, but they’re also best friends and so when one is away, it really makes a massive difference.

There have been times when I’ve really wished for a fourth child because of how much I love having my kids. However, as the years have passed by I have become very content with the three beautiful kids I’ve been blessed to have.

It took time to come to terms with the fact that I’ve experienced my last pregnancy, but I’m content with the idea now.

As far as levels of stress and whether having three kids is harder than having two, I think everyone will have a different experience. However, I actually find there’s less stress when all three of my kids are together than there is when one is away.

My middle child loves playing with her little sister. They spend hours together and really thrive off of each other. My son also really loves his baby sister and treats her with kindness and gentleness for the most part.

I absolutely love watching them interact with one another and grow in their relationships.

Practical Tips for Welcoming a Third Baby

If you do go ahead and decide to have a third baby then these are the things that we had to consider and what I recommend you think about:

#1 A Family Car that Fits 3 Car Seats

Finding a car that comfortably fits 3 car seats can be a challenge, especially if you don’t live in America where larger vehicles are a lot more common.

We had no choice but to buy a new vehicle when we had our third because we just couldn’t safely fit 3 car seats in the mini van that we previously had.

A bigger car is a good investment if you’re considering having a 3rd baby.

#2 Your Family Budget

Depending on how old your children are, your family budget may take more of a hit.

I think if you have older kids then you won’t necessarily feel the financial impact of a new baby so much, but at one point we had three babies in diapers…

Just be realistic about what may have to change and adjust your family budget accordingly.

Having a bigger family means spending more on food, clothing, and other things. However, you can be intentional about being frugal and smart. There are many ways to keep expenses down. 

​For instance, I didn’t have to buy any winter clothes for my youngest child this year because I stored her older sister’s clothes away when she had grown out of them. The result was an entire winter wardrobe ready to go. We also grow a lot of our own produce and I am very intentional about meal planning in order to keep the cost of meals down.

#3 A Bigger House

Thankfully, we didn’t have to move in order to cater for a third child, but it may be something you need to consider.

Honestly, we live in a time where we expect so much from our homes. 

Our children share a room and I grew up having sisters that shared a room. 

Don’t let the size of your home impact your decision on whether or not to have a third baby unless it really is physically impossible to fit another child in your home.

You’ll be amazed at how smart people get when they have to and kids really are a lot happier with less stuff.

It’s usually us adults who pile on the guilt and unnecessary worry.

#4 Personal Experience

Everyone’s experience is different. Therefore, it’s wise not to take people’s opinions too much to heart. Difficult babies, middle child syndrome, and financial situations all play a part in what people will tell you about having a third child. You’d be forgiven for thinking you’re going to be making a terrible mistake based on many different things that people tend to share.

Something that I’ve learned is that so often it’s more about the intentionality we parents put into our families than it is about the number of little people we have.

Having a third baby won’t be easy because adding another child never is. However, bringing a new baby home is also a huge blessing! Consider the fact that hard is not the same thing as bad.

#5 Everything is a Season

This is something I was talking to a friend about just yesterday. Now that we’re out of the baby years it really feels as though that time passed in the blink of an eye. One day my son was a roly-poly little baby and now he’s growing by the second and learning multiplication.

I say this because the majority of parents considering adding another child to their family often focus on the baby stage alone. The reality is that little kids don’t stay little for long. They grow very quickly. So, it’s important to remember that the hard times really are just a season. 

Having three kids was a big challenge when they were all 3 and under. However, it has absolutely gotten easier as the years have gone on.

From when I took a pregnancy test to when my third child was born, things were hard! Pregnancy was really rough, but it was just a season. She was absolutely worth every second of that challenge. 

The hardest part of parenting through these seasons is not knowing when they’ll end. However, they will. Your children grow and change and so do you.

#6 Life Will Be Busier

Something that I hadn’t really considered when having a third child was how much busier my days would be. It seems like an obvious thing to take note of, but I just didn’t. The moment she was born I had another whole human that I was responsible for. My days were really busy. It was good busy but it was still something that I didn’t really expect. 

Now that we’re well out of the baby and toddler stage, life only continues to get busier. Many things are a whole lot easier. Leaving the house for instance is much faster and streamlined than it ever used to be.

I don’t have to carry around a diaper bag full of “just in case” supplies. My kids can get their own shoes on and even do their own buckles up in the car. That has made a massive difference to how easy it is to get out the house!

However, life has not slowed down even one little iota. While I may not need to change diapers, feed a baby, or dress three kids, there’s still a lot required of me. Three kids that can all talk mean there a whole lot of questions asked of me each day. I love the fun conversations that we have, but it would be unfair not to acknowledge the mental task it is to be tuned in to all of the kids each day.

I am a homeschool mom and so I’m also educating three kids. That in and of itself makes our days very busy, but it is also a joy.

Finally, they each have their own activities and interests that they’re involved in. I’ve been very intentional about what we choose to join, but it’s still very busy with each kid doing just one activity each.

The bottom line is that the more kids you have the busier you’ll be. That is just a fact.

Final Thoughts…

This is a super big question to try and answer but I hope that the points I’ve made have helped you one way or another. If you’re having an internal debate over whether to have a third child or not, the reality is that only you can answer that question.

You can try and lean into the opinions of others to gain some direction, but everyone’s personal experience is going to be very different.

There’s nothing wrong with stopping after having a first baby or second child. Honestly, it is no one’s business how big of a family you choose to have. People have very valid reasons to not add another baby to their family.

Our third kid is fun and so loved but that doesn’t mean that you have to have one.

Close your eyes and imagine how you’d like your family to look 10 years from now. I find that really helps to put things into perspective. Watching our three children interact with each other is the most precious thing. There has never been a day I’ve regretted having a third child, even when things were really hard. I would make the same decision every single time.

Deciding to have a third baby is such a personal decision. I hope you find peace and clarity about it all.