10 Things I Wish I Knew Before Having a Baby (and you should too)

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As I sat down to write this post and think about the things I wish I knew before having a baby, I realized that I wish someone had told me this stuff.

And when I say I wish someone prepared me, I mean more than just saying the typical, “just you wait…”

I think that there’s a way to help prepare new moms without making them feel as though having a baby was a mistake.

You see, having a baby is hard. It is probably one of the hardest things you can ever do, but it is also the most rewarding.

I want to help prepare you by sharing what I wish I knew and then giving you some practical tips to help with them.

Keep reading to find out what they are…

All the Things I Wish I Knew Before Having a Baby

Every woman is going to have a different experience when it comes to having a baby. The things that I was surprised by may not be the same for you. What your experience with your first baby will be different from your other babies.

We often hear about the baby blues, how not to get too set on your birth plan, and what you should pack in your diaper bag.

However, I do think that many of the things I’m going to share aren’t talked about enough and they definitely aren’t talked about in baby books.

#1 Everyone Has an Opinion

Every single person on the face of the earth will have an opinion on the way you parent. Not all of them will voice it, but everyone will have their own formed ideas.

Trying to please everyone and not step on any toes will only send you into a tailspin. Seriously.

Do not waste your time trying to appease others. You know your child best so stick to what you believe is right.

Now, there is a time for taking on board other people’s opinions, but they should only come from those that you trust.

I’ve seen the most ridiculous “mom wars” online over things that I didn’t even think could be controversial.

Whether it’s about your birth experience, sleep, how you feed your baby, car seats, what toys you give them (or don’t), I can guarantee that there will be opinions on it.

Do your own research and ask the opinion of those you trust. After that, make your own decisions and stick to them without feeling any guilt.

#2 Your Maternal Instincts May Not Kick In Right Away

There is nothing quite like the feeling you get when you bring your baby home for the first time. As a new parent it’s an exciting thought.

You walk through your front door, maybe give them a house tour, and then you wonder…what next?

All of a sudden there isn’t anyone there to guide you on how to care for the brand new life you just brought home.

That mom instinct that everyone talks about…well you wonder, maybe God didn’t give you one when He was handing them out?

Here’s the thing, mama…your instinct is there but it does take time to come out. While you love your baby, you don’t really know them yet.

It takes time to learn who they are and what they need. In many ways you’ll be learning the same about yourself as you take on this new role of mom.

When I was a brand new mom, I definitely second-guessed every little thing. Now as a mom to three, that instinct has become a lot more refined.

#3 Nothing Can Prepare You for Sleep Deprivation

I remember when a certain member of my family told me that he would be fine with getting up with the baby because he had gone through army bootcamp and it was brutal.

While I agree that bootcamp is indeed brutal, there is nothing in this world that can prepare you for what you feel after having such little (and disrupted) sleep.

Also, I honestly don’t think a man will ever fully understand what it’s like. As a mom who has given birth, there’s a lot more than just sleep deprivation to contend with.

You’ve got postpartum recovery, engorgement, and you probably haven’t slept a full night in months anyway – hello, toilet trips!

So, hear me out…it’s rough. Not sleeping is hard, but it isn’t forever and there are ways to make it easier on yourself. Baby sleep is erratic, to begin with, but it does level out.

Sleep whenever you can and trust that it won’t be forever. I feel like half of the struggle is just feeling as though the challenge of it all will never end.

Also…a word to the wise, everything seems much harder when you aren’t getting much sleep. Things always look brighter when you’ve slept more.

Oh, and for the record…that family member redacted his statement quite soon after his first child was born.

#4 Everything is a Phase

I feel as though this next point is a natural follow on from the previous.

Know this – everything is a phase. The sleepless nights, the teething baby, the breastfeeding issues – it all ends eventually.

Your new baby is going to change a lot, especially over the first year and with those changes come new phases to work through.

Each phase has its own new challenges but you get better at dealing with them. Some phases may last longer than others but it truly does get easier.

#5 Postpartum Anxiety is a Thing

Postpartum depression is fairly widely spoken about now. It is not as much of the taboo subject that it used to be.

However, after I had my first child I definitely had signs of postpartum anxiety and I had no idea it was even a thing.

I worried about lots of things and struggled to sleep as a result. Add that to already being sleep-deprived and I was quite the mess. I would dread the end of the day and the impending night.

I worked my way through it because I had a lot of support and a close family, but my heart aches for the mama who doesn’t.

If you are struggling, please seek help. You don’t have to feel the way you are forever.

#6 It is Normal to Feel Overwhelmed

If you feel like you’re drowning I’m here to tell you that you’re not doing anything wrong. It really is just that hard.

It is totally normal to feel as though you’re overwhelmed by it all. All the changes, the postpartum healing, the sleepless nights, and the responsibility of raising a human.

You’re not alone.

Many a mother has felt the exact same way.

Trust me when I say it gets better.

The first day home with your baby all by yourself can feel so incredibly daunting. Even doing basic things like grocery shopping with a newborn seems hard.

Your whole world just changed and it takes time to fine a new normal. Take a moment to take a deep breath and focus on the important things.

#7 Accept All the Help

New motherhood is beautiful, and scary, and overwhelming, and well…new.

You have nothing to prove by trying to do it all yourself.

Accept the help offered and ask for it if you need it. This is healthy and you will be a better mom to your baby if you aren’t totally burnt out.

It can take a long time to properly heal if you’re not resting during the postpartum period. We need to show grace to ourselves and be gentle. Again, accept the help – this is the best thing to do for yourself and your family.

#8 Trust Your Spouse

This is hard, I know. You feel as though you know every detail about your baby and to trust your spouse with their care can feel difficult.

However, they are just as much a parent as you are.

Women often complain that their significant other doesn’t help enough with the baby, but at the same time never let them do anything without supervision or criticism.

Just because he doesn’t do it the same way to that you would doesn’t mean it’s wrong.

Start as soon as possible by sharing the responsibility. It is so incredibly good to have someone there to share the load.

#9 Freezer Meals are Your Friend

If you at all can, prepare freezer meals for after you’ve had your baby.

You may not need them right away, but even months down the line when they’re teething and miserable it is so helpful to be able to have a healthy dinner ready to go.

If friends ask what they can do for you, suggest a freezer meal or two.

#10 Life is Different But You’ll Find a New Normal

things I wish I knew before having a baby. Happy mom with baby.

I vividly remember sitting on our sofa after our son was down for the night when he was about 3 weeks old. I remember almost resenting him because I didn’t have an evening anymore.

Once he was down for bed that’s where I wanted to be too because I was so tired. I missed my husband and the quality time we would spend together watching shows and catching up after a day apart.

6 years later and two more kids I’ve come to realize that those seasons are so short.

As you add a baby to your family it takes time to adapt and settle into your new normal.

My kids all sleep through the night now and I have plenty of time in the evenings to spend with my husband.

You will find your way into your new role and it will become easier over time. You get better and more confident at it. Motherhood is hard work, but the most important things usually are.

Mothers are made, not born. It takes time to learn and grow, just as our babies do. However, the joy that comes, as a result, is worth every single challenge that comes along. It really is.