What to Do When Potty Training Fails + My 3 Best Tips
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It’s the end of a long day…or maybe the end of a long week. You. are. done. You’ve spent every waking moment of your day attempting to potty train your toddler and all you’ve got to show for it is a pile of laundry, a messy house, and a bunch of pent-up frustration and disappointment.
Potty training has been one of my least favorite parenting moments to date. It is exhausting, but when potty training fails…well, that’s a whole other weight of disappointment for a mom to shoulder.
Potty training is messy and mentally exhausting. I’ve done it three times and I let out a very big sigh of relief when my last one was officially trained.
I know what it’s like to have a kiddo who struggles through it and a kiddo who practically does it on their own.
If you want some tips and advice from a mom who has zero judgment about what other moms choose to do and also wants to help make things easier for you… keep reading.
Your Guide On What to Do When Potty Training Fails
So, here’s the thing…potty training fails…all the time. This is not a new thing and you’re certainly not the first mom to go through it.
There have been many, many moms exhausted and wondering if their kid is broken.
Now, to be fair, there are sometimes undiagnosed medical issues that can certainly impede potty training. If you suspect that at all, go and get your kiddo seen by a doctor.
With that aside, what seems like an insurmountable task right now will one day become a distant memory and your child will indeed learn how to use the potty.
With that said, let’s talk about some practical things that you can do when you feel as though potty training isn’t working.
#1 Check Your Expectations
I know that there are lots of moms out there who say their child was potty trained in 3 days…now, I’m not saying that they’re lying but I will say that it’s not usually quite as cut and dried as all that.
You see, my middle child practically potty trained herself and she did it quickly. I had to put in very little effort to get her to understand she needed to use the potty and keep her undies dry.
However, while she grasped the concept and was good most of the time, there were still accidents for about a year after she was initially trained.
Little ones get busy playing and don’t want to stop using the bathroom. Sometimes they regress. All of this is normal but not often spoken about.
You may also have a child like my first who just didn’t click for more like 3 weeks. It took a long time and again, there were accidents for months after that even if he did well 95% of the time.
Sometimes your child isn’t ready. I tried with my eldest when he was 18-months old. It was a big old fail and I decided to stop and try again when he was older.
All that to say, check your expectations. Children aren’t robots. They are all so unique that we can’t expect them to just fall into the same pattern as all of their peers.
Take a breath and remember that this too shall pass. You’re doing a great job and your little one will get it eventually.
#2 Decide What You Want to Do
There is no one right way to potty train, despite what certain people may say. I’ve done it differently with each of my kids and they’ve all turned out fine. I used some tips from Oh Crap! Potty Training, but ultimately just made it up as I went along.
If potty training is failing for you then it’s time to decide what to do.
For instance, you can choose to stop and pick it up again in a few months. Perhaps your child is not ready, or perhaps you’re not. Potty training is mentally taxing and if you’re not up to the task right now then that’s totally okay.
Another option is to change tactics. Do things a little differently and see if it helps.
Finally, you can just persist. Potty training rarely happens overnight. It often takes days, weeks, and even months for some kids to get it.
I know that sounds daunting but from experience, potty training is a spiral process. Your child is heading in the right direction but sometimes they’ll do better at it than at other times.
#3 Don’t Feel Any Shame
It’s easy to feel as though you’re failing when your child isn’t meeting your expectations. This isn’t a healthy way to parent.
Potty training, like many other childhood milestones, is not something you can force. It happens in its own time. You can set up your child for success, but if their little brain isn’t quite ready to grasp the concept, then that’s not on you.
Honestly, it’s not so different from sleep. I’m a big advocate for setting your child up with age-appropriate sleep routines and creating a healthy sleep environment. However, you can’t force a baby to sleep…nor can you force a toddler to potty train.
Set the stage and wait. Parenting takes an awful lot of patience both for your child and for yourself.
My 3 Best Tips for Potty Training Success
As a mom of three, potty training is something I’ve done a lot of. Right now, my youngest is 3 and completely potty trained during the day. I actually can’t remember the last time I had to change a poopy diaper (bliss, right?!).
We still use diapers for sleep but that’s a whole other thing that I’m really not stressed about at all. We usually drop night diapers around age 4.
Having gone through this three times there are some key things that I know made a big difference for me and my kids.
You don’t have to try these and I’m certainly not suggesting it’s this way or the highway. These are just tips that I found helpful and you might find helpful too.
#1 Wait Until Your Kid Is Ready
This one used to make me roll my eyes but eventually, I ended up looking down at my feet as I ate a little humble pie…because it proved to be true.
I tried potty training my eldest when he was 18-months old and it was a major fail. We tried again when he was two and although he did eventually get it, it took sooooo long.
With my other two children, I waited until they were just shy of three and they learned very quickly. There were still some regressions and accidents over the next few months, but overall the whole process was less painful.
#2 Try and Take Advantage of Warm Weather
Potty training in winter when your kid has to wear a bunch of layers just sucks. It isn’t fun for anyone. If you can at all wait until the weather is warmer, I strongly suggest doing so.
Warmer weather meant dresses for my girls made sense and getting clothing on and off wasn’t such an issue…which brings me to the next tip…
#3 Don’t Bother With Pants
Seriously. It is enough of a feat for your child to get themselves to the potty without having to then wrangle their layers of clothing off in time to use the potty.
I’ve found that my little ones often didn’t recognize the urgency to get to the potty until they really, REALLY needed to use it.
That left no time for them to work on removing clothing.
I wanted them to be set up for success and that meant removing as many obstacles as possible.
As a mom to multiple children, I wasn’t always available to assist either and so it was important that my kid could get to the potty and do what they needed to do without me having to be right by them.
Once they started to get the hang of it I would have my girls wear a dress with some undies and my son just wear loose-fitting pants that could easily be pulled down.
Over time they obviously got better at using the potty and wore regular clothing but it was good to start really simple at the beginning.
Conclusion
One thing that I hope you realize is that if potty training fails it doesn’t mean you have failed at anything. This is just parenting. You’re learning on the job and so is your toddler.
They won’t be in diapers forever and they will get the hang of it.
One day you’ll be like me and be ever so close to buying that bittersweet last ever pack of diapers.
You’ve got this, mama! Take a breath, make a plan, and laugh with your kiddo.
